Survey Indicates Cheating is on the Rise

In the interest of preserving marital bliss throughout the country, Netflix asked Harris Interactive to find out if spouses cheated on one another. Realize, of course, that Netflix narrowly defined cheating as one spouse watching a streamed show on Netflix alone, after they have promised their partner that they would watch it together — something that Netflix has cleverly labelled as “stream cheating” (take note, editors of the OED). The results were alarming  — 51% of people in relationship cheated on one another (finally proof that the religious right has been seeking to prove the detrimental effect Hollywood has on married couples). Sadly, 12% of men in the U.S. (more than 28 million adults) confessed that they had cheated. Netflix was quick to wash their hands of this newly discovered form of infidelity — Chief Content Officer Ted Sarandos, stated: “Netflix can’t be held responsible for any trust issues, lovers’ spats, or marital troubles that arise from watching ahead of your partner. We also will not cover any therapy sessions. As always, we advise to Watch Responsibly.”

Men are more casual about stream cheating: 77% openly admit that they would cheat (for politicians in Washington, D.C., that statistic would scarcely raise an eyebrow), while 57% of women admitted they would cheat. The survey provided some details of the pattern of stream cheaters: 66% watch TV alone while their partner is away; a shocking 21% watch TV — while their partner is asleep; 5% sneak away to a locked bathroom (which finally explains those long 2 hour bathroom breaks). Young couples (ages 18-34) were more likely to cheat than older couples (55 and older).

In order to hide their stream cheating, the guilty parties resort to the following behavior when eventually watching a program with their partner: 41% would not divulge spoilers, 14% would feel so guilty that they would break down and confess; 12% would fake their original emotion (crying or laughing) when re-watching the show. Although some spouses are willing to forgive their partner’s stream cheating, one act of immorality is unforgivable: purposely hiding or hogging the remote control. Considering all this immoral behavior it really makes you wonder — what is this world coming to?

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